For many the holidays bring up nostalgic memories of family fun and good cheer. For others it can be a time of loneliness, sadness, and depression. Unfortunately, the holiday blues are a very real phenomenon.

Here are some of the risk factors of holiday depression,

and how you can avoid them!

Comparing Your Insides to Someone Else’s Outsides

Both in real life and on social media, it can be difficult to avoid comparing yourself with others around Christmastime. If you have a less-than-perfect family, a past trauma from this time of year, or just a less-than-full holiday dance card, comparing your holiday experience with those of others is a recipe for increased sadness and isolation.

Often, these comparisons tend to be skewed — and they tend to make us feel bad about ourselves. That’s because a person’s basis for comparison is not based in reality. Why?  Because – bottom line – most families have issues of some sort or another! I know mine did. And most people didn’t have the perfect Christmas that they would like to have had, or even remembered that they had. So ease up about comparing yourself to the Christmas others had in the past and begin to plan for a good Christmas experience for YOU this year.

Slacking on Self-Care

For many people, December is the busiest time of the year. When work pressures pile up and the calendar gets full with social obligations, the routines that normally keep us healthy and happy — yoga class, morning runs, healthy home-cooked meals, a meditation practice — are usually the first thing to fall by the wayside.

In addition to increased stress, eating poorly and drinking excessively can also exacerbate issues like stress, anxiety and depression.

“Take care of yourself and don’t abandon healthy habits. Don’t let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.

Try these suggestions:

  • Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don’t go overboard on sweets, cheese, or drinks.
  • Get plenty of sleep.
  • Incorporate regular physical activity into each day.

I would like to emphasize the importance of avoiding binge drinking. Alcohol is everywhere during the holidays! If you’re struggling with feeling down, it may be wise to avoid drinking as much as possible because alcohol is known to worsen, not relieve, symptoms of anxiety and depression.

No “ME” Time

Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.

Some options may include:

  • Taking a walk at night and stargazing.
  • Listening to soothing music.
  • Getting a massage.
  • Reading a book.

Experiencing Symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

If you tend to start feeling down when winter approaches each year, and those negative feelings don’t go away after the holidays are over, you may have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

Many people who think they are suffering from a case of holiday blues may actually be suffering from SAD, a form of depression that’s brought on by the change of seasons. Many people miss the exposure to natural light and can sink into sadness. But SAD shouldn’t be dismissed as mere “winter blues.” Talk to your doctor if you’re experiencing symptoms of this disorder to find a treatment that works for you. Also you might look into full spectrum lighting. Full spectrum lighting duplicates the visible wavelengths of sunlight at noon and uses both high clarity and balanced color phosphors. It has helped many people overcome SAD.

Family Grievances and Conflict

The holidays are a great time to be tolerant and set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all of your expectations.

Declare an amnesty with whichever family member or friend for whom you feel past resentments. It’s seldom helpful to tell your relative about every resentment on your laundry list of grievances, especially during the holiday celebrations. And don’t let your relative do that to you, either!

Try to be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they’re feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too.

If you know there are going to be conflicts, prepare a neutral response, such as, “Let’s talk about that another time,” or, “I can see how you would feel that way.” Then escape to the restroom, offer to help in the kitchen, or go hang out with the kids. And it always helps to call a good friend if you need a sympathetic ear.

Post-Christmas Credit Card Bills that Put You in a Tailspin.

To avoid the after Christmas sticker shock create and stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don’t try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts.

Try these alternatives:

  • Donate to a charity in someone’s name.
  • Give homemade gifts.
  • Start a family gift exchange.

I have a large extended family. Years ago we decided to have a family Christmas get-together the Saturday before Christmas with a family gift exchange. We set a price and it’s been working great ever since. It’s made my life easier, and we still enjoy the holiday fun!

Missing the Holiday Action

Feeling like you are under-scheduled or under-planned for the holidays?

This is a great time to help others, and make some friends while doing it. Volunteer to serve holiday dinner at a homeless shelter. Work with any number of groups that help underprivileged or hospitalized children at the holidays. Sing in a choir that visits hospitals or senior residences. There are many opportunities for doing community service. It’s hard to be depressed when you are doing community service. Helping others can be a great high, and it builds self-confidence too.

If the holidays are challenging for you, please give me contact me at 415-819-8769, or email Joy@joyreichard.com for a complimentary 30-minute Consultation. Find out how Healing with Joy can help you have a merrier holiday season.

How many of you faced the early morning crowds on Black Friday like I did to get a good start on the Christmas shopping?

I picked up my 80-year-old shopping buddy at 8:30 AM and we shopped till we dropped!  We finally drove back to her house to drop her off with all her packages at 7:45PM! We scored! And had lots of fun doing it! It’s been our annual tradition for the past few years.

I have great memories of holidays. My parents, though not wealthy by any means, took pleasure making the holidays special. There would be a lot of secrecy, and shouts of “don’t come in this room” when my sister or I would try to barge in. Of course we were curious about just what were they doing in there!

We decorated the tree together as a family with lots of laughter and fun. Then Christmas morning we’d get up really early. Wide eyed with anticipation we’d gaze impatiently at all the colorful presents anxious for our parents to finally get up.

I have fond memories of the holidays… But, unfortunately, not everyone does.

While colorful images of merriment and joy fill storefronts, TV screens and magazines, for many the reality of the holidays isn’t so cheerful. Between stressful end-of-year deadlines, family dysfunction and loss, poor eating and drinking habits, and increasingly cold and dark winter days, it’s not unusual for the holiday season to feel not-so-merry-and-bright.

Constant reminders of the holidays being a merry time for ‘others,’ can serve as a painful reminder of all that might be lacking for some. For this reason, the month of December can be a particularly difficult time of year. This is especially true for those dealing with family conflict, loss, break-ups, divorce, loneliness, illness, and mental health issues.

Feelings of depression and negativity affect many people at the holidays. Unfortunately, the holiday blues are a very real phenomenon.

Here are some of the risk factors of holiday depression,

and how you can avoid them!

Setting up unrealistic expectations.

Hoping for a picture-perfect White Christmas holiday is setting you up for not only disappointment, but potentially depression.

“People have this anticipation or fantasy of the holiday that you would see on TV,” psychiatrist Dr. Mark Sichel, author of Healing from Family Rifts, tells The Huffington Post, adding that his practice gets much busier after the holidays. “Actually, it’s never exactly as people anticipate and it’s often disappointing. There’s often strife within families that comes out at holiday times.”

When it comes to family, it’s especially important to manage expectations during the holidays and avoid hoping for things to be perfect. If holidays tend to be a time of conflict in your family, or you’ve recently experienced the loss of a loved one, putting pressure on your family to all get along or to be cheerful could lead to disappointment and additional anxiety.

Being mindful of what you do have to be thankful for — your sister who always makes family gatherings bearable, getting a week off of work, or just the promise of a fresh start with the beginning of the new year — can help combat feelings of deficiency and lack. “Realize that the holidays do end — and take stock of what you can be grateful for,” says Sichel. “Having gratitude is probably the best antidote against depression.”

Trying to do too much

During the holidays, the pressure of trying to do everything (i.e.  planning the perfect holiday, trying to make it home to see your family, saying yes to every event, meeting those year-end deadlines) can be enough to send anyone into a tail spin. And if you’re prone to anxiety and depression, stress (and a lack of sleep) can take a significant toll on your mood.

A heightened pressure of trying to get everything done perfectly, and the fear of not being able to get it all done, are some of the most common triggers for the holiday blues, Sichel states.

“Being bogged down by perfectionism” can contribute to feeling down, says Sichel. “Many people feel they just can’t do the right thing, that family members are always disappointed in them.”

Planning Something Special for Yourself

Being a single adult with two grown sons I learned through trial and error to ensure that I did something special for me during the holidays. Sometimes it’s a splurge shopping spree the day after Christmas with my shopping buddy, Barbara. This always includes a nice lunch, and maybe dinner, as we delight in our great buys and each other’s company.

At other times it’s planning a special treat like the ballet or symphony, or even a walk on the beach. And once in a while I will plan a special trip with a traveling buddy. This year I’m going to San Diego with my friend Cynthia! Other people deal with holiday blues by having a Christmas gathering for all the other people who don’t have a place to go.

Missing those nostalgic Christmases when the kids were young, or regretting not even having those memories, can cast a gloom on the holidays. By asking yourself “what would make ME happy this holiday season,” you can come up with some creative ideas to have your own heart-warming Christmas experience.

Check back next week for some additional ideas on how to maintain good cheer during the holidays.

If the holidays are challenging for you, please contact me at 415-819-8769, or email Joy@joyreichard.com for a complimentary 30-minute Consultation. Find out how Healing with Joy can help you have a merrier holiday season.

 

This is the time for Thanksgiving Reflections of gratitude for the abundance in our lives. Yet many times our attention turns to what we don’t have rather than what we do ‑  and for good reason!  The season of non-stop shopping is almost here.

With Thanksgiving the race to get ready for the next round of holidays begins.  Thursday we will be celebrating the season of plenty. Then, with the advent of the first official days of Christmas shopping, we enter five frenetic weeks of searching, finding, ordering, and buying those perfect gifts for our loved ones.  We go from celebrating abundance and gratitude at Thanksgiving to experiencing the overwhelming requests of needs, wants, and desires.

Before we head to the mall, some reflection would do our souls good, not only to count our blessings, but to continue focusing on them.  Money will be spent on many things in the next few weeks, but it can’t buy the most important gifts:  good health, a loving relationship, close family ties, caring friends and community, the fulfillment of creative expression, and inner peace.

We often forget these things, not because we are ungrateful, but because we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life.  The things that money can buy will never fill the deep need within us for acceptance, love and connection

How about making a commitment this Thanksgiving and throughout the holidays to do it aa bit differently this year?  I know it’s good for the economy for consumers to madly spend money. It fuels our capitalistic system. But few of us really need more stuff!  Most of our closets, drawers, and garages are already stuffed with things. Way too many things

Sadly it only takes an hour or two to open all the presents bought during the five week holiday spending spree. Hours of shopping for a couple of hours of surprises and pleasure! Does this really make sense?

So why not do things a bit differently this year? We can scale down the Holiday spending splurge. Instead we can hold on to those Thanksgiving feelings of gratitude a bit longer by generously reaching out to those around us with feelings of well-being, tolerance and compassion.

Did you know that it takes fewer facial muscles to smile than to frown? So why not practice smiling more, being kinder, gentler, and more patient?  Instead of getting caught up in the holiday rush, reach out and re-connect with a friend, acquaintance or relative that has drifted away. Why not even smile at the retail clerks. Their job must be grueling this time of year with longer hours of impatient customers. Or you can reflect on how you can enrich your relationships with quality time – truly sharing and caring – the whole year long.

This Holiday Season spend less time rushing, buying, and doing. Instead make an effort to be present and mindful of what is truly important. This Holiday Season give the gifts that money can’t buy – understanding, connection, love, and peace.

Happy Thanksgiving

Joy Reichard

How did the Holidays roll around so fast this year?! I can’t believe I’m already sharing Christmas lists with my family, but then we have our big Holiday celebration on December 16th … Where did the time go?

With the days getting shorter as the Winter Solstice approaches, it’s time for reflection, assessment, wrapping up of the old year, and gestating ideas for the New Year. It’s best to take an hour or two to do this BEFORE the hustle and bustle of the Holidays. This is the best time to review what you’ve accomplished this year, and begin setting your goals and objectives for next year.

As crazy busy as the Holidays can get, taking time out to thoughtfully assess my successes, my incompletes, what I can let go of, and what I want to accomplish in the New Year helps me end the year with a sense of completion. It helps me stay grounded and focused during the whirlwind of activity and fun with family and friends at the holidays. Then when the New Year hits I can truly celebrate because I’ve already been gestating my goals and objectives. I know where I’m heading and what I need to do in the upcoming year.

I highly recommend this introspective practice of making plans for the New Year. The benefits you reap are much greater than the time it takes!

If you’re curious about the process, I’d love to share what was given to me by one of my mentors.

First, find some quiet time where you do nothing but reflect and think. For me, the best time is during meditation. You might prefer a leisurely walk along the beach or a hiking trail, or sitting quietly with a latte at a local coffee shop. Whatever works for you is great, but the idea is to set aside time to be alone with your thoughts.

Then let your mind float over what you have completed this year and fantasize about what you’d like to do next year. I’m reaching a point that if something feels too hard, or like too much work, I pass on it. Instead, let your mind float to those things you feel excited and enthusiastic about. You can tell what they are because you’ll start feeling energized and the juices will start flowing! I find that when I reach this stage I can’t wait until I can sit down at my computer, or with pen and paper, and start jotting down ideas!

This leads to the third step in the process: start putting those goals, projects and ideas on paper. Don’t worry about the order or time frame. At this point just do a ‘brain dump.’ Sometimes you might get it all down at once. Other times you might find that you’re updating, revising, expanding, and contracting your list over several days. It’s all good! You primary focus is to get down all the ideas and goals that feel exciting and energizing.

Once you have all your ideas down, then start organizing them into goals and the steps, or objectives, that need to be completed in order to achieve them.  Oh! BTW they should be S.M.A.R.T. goals.

What?  What’s a S.M.A.R.T. goal?

Specific – This means you should have a clear understanding of what it is that you will do and what the end product will look like.  For example, last year my goal was to continue doing a weekly e-zine providing useful information to my following. A weekly e-zine is a specific goal, and the e-zine itself is the end product.

Measurable w/Measurement – This means you should have some idea as to whether you will meet the goal or not. For example, I’ve been about 90% successful in getting out a weekly ezine. Considering I’m human and have a busy schedule, I feel quite proud that I’ve been able to send out a weekly ezine almost every week during my second year of trying to execute this kind of an aggressive goal.

Achievable – This means that there is a high probability that you can be successful at achieving your goal. For example, since I’ve been 90% successful in getting out a weekly e-zine, then it was an achievable goal.

Relevant – This means that your goal should serve a purpose, or have an impact. For example, my purpose was to share useful information. Frequently I receive positive feedback from my readers which validates that my ezine has relevance.

Time-Oriented – This means, “When will you achieve this goal? What is the start and end date?” For example, the time-bound goal for my ezine was ‘weekly.’

Evaluating your goals to make sure they are S.M.A.R.T. will help you stay practical and reasonable about what you can accomplish so you don’t fall victim to overwhelm and burn out, get sick, or give up!

Once you’ve evaluated your goals, then start organizing them into 3, 6, 9, and 12 month goals. Now it’s time to begin identifying and scheduling weekly steps or objective. At this stage I tend to drill down the weekly objectives for just 3 months at a time. I always keep the larger perspective in mind, but I’ve found that ‘life happens while we’re busy making plans to do something else.’ Goals and objectives often need to be fine-tuned and re-evaluated as the year progresses. One year I had knee surgery, another year I fell in love (not a good excuse for being knocked off track, but I had fun!), and another year the recession hit. It’s important to keep some flexibility in your schedule so you can adapt and re-assess as needed.

Set a time to review your goals and objectives weekly. This will help you stay on track with the little objectives so you can hit your targeted big goals in a timely manner. Mondays are a great day to do this. It’s the first day of the week. A quick review of what’s on your schedule on Mondays will help you stay on track so you can have a productive week, and a prosperous year!

With everything else that you have on your schedule, I can hear many of you groaning about having one more thing to do! But I promise you, if you take time to do this, not only will you complete your year on a high, but you will ensure that you have a more successful, prosperous, and happier New Year.

If setting your goals and objectives for the New Year feels too overwhelming, then give me a call and schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation to find out how I can help you get organized and on track for a prosperous 2018.  Call Joy at 415-819-8769 or email me today!

In my last email I talked about the Devil card in the Tarot and how it kept showing up at a time when my whole life was going through a time of break down and transition.

The Devil card is the 15th Major Arcana card of the Tarot. It speaks to the shadow side of ourselves that is held in bondage to our addictions, greed, negativity, insecurities, self-doubts, jealousies, and fears (rejection, abandonment, not being good enough, not being loved, etc.). These shadow self-perceptions and beliefs keep us stuck in an old story that we tend to cycle in, even though we are desperate to escape.

Some are saying that we, as a collective, are going through a time of break down and transition. The Tower card may be apropos to what we are experiencing at this time.

The Tower
The Tower is the 16th Major Arcana card. It is an image of disruption and change. Politically we are seeing this on a collective level. This disruption can also be experienced personally. It is generated by the battle inside you that is fighting the Devil, your own demons, to free yourself from that domination.

Vicki Noble likens this card to the great Hindu Goddess Kali Ma. She is a terribly ferocious looking goddess with a garland of skulls around her neck and a girdle of arms around her waist. She has four arms, is dark skinned, and splotches of blood stain her body. In one hand she carries a sword, another a pair of scissors, and in the third a bloodied head.

In the West, dark and black have been associated with fear, suffering, death and evil. Our fear of the dark Goddess is a projection of that fear.  In the Hindu world view, however, the dark color is associated with the sacredness of the earth and its female nature. Kali’s symbolism, far from being foreboding, is filled with important imagery for those seeking greater awareness.

  • Red – Kali often bears the color red because she is associated with the life force energy of our body, our blood, and to the fire of creativity.
  • Garland of heads – The garland of severed heads or skulls represents the letters of the Sanskrit alphabet. They symbolize the repository of knowledge and wisdom that is available to us.
  • Sword – The sword is the sword of wisdom with which she cuts the chains of our shadow beliefs that keep us cycling in the old stories.
  • Severed head – Symbolizes freeing ourselves from the negative degrading stories of our subconscious so we can embrace the universal consciousness of the Divine Mother and Father and our own divinity within.
  • Waistband – The waistband of human arms symbolizes the necessity for performing good deeds, not out of co-dependency or wanting to feel self-important, but because caring for others and doing good deeds civilizes us, improves the condition of humanity, and opens our hearts to the flow of love.

Kali is that transformative energy of The Tower that can liberate us from the negative stories of our shadow selves.

When the Tower card is drawn it signifies that we have an opportunity to confront our beliefs that no longer serve us so we can change our stories. Even though it feels very disruptive, it tells us that we can still confront our shadow, that part of us that keeps us stuck in reactive and often unhelpful behaviors of jealousy, envy, greed, obsessiveness, anger, etc.

When we face these inner demons, learn the stories behind them, and are willing to release them because they no longer fit into the life we want to lead, then we can step into a higher vibration where joy, satisfaction, fulfillment and wellbeing resides.

On a collective level we are seeing this disruption play out with our governing bodies and in the media. This is forcing us to face the shadow aspects of ourselves and our country. It’s breaking down those areas where we might have been complacent or asleep, and is challenging us to re-evaluate our values, our truths, and what we stand for. It’s not an easy time. Nor is it meant to be. Yet it is a time of great opportunity, an initiation, to be a part of the movement to transform the world to one that will be a better place for all of us. Are you willing to be part of that challenge?

If you would like help to free yourself from your shadow beliefs and change your story, please schedule a 30-minute complementary consultation today with Joy Reichard (415-819-8769). Learn how you can live a more joy-filled life.

I view the Tarot as wisdom cards. This is especially true of the Devil card.

The Tarot is a pack of playing cards (most commonly numbering 78), used from the mid-15th century to present in various parts of Europe to play card games. From the late 18th century until present time the tarot has been used by mystics and spiritual seekers as a divination tool, or as a map or guide for mental and spiritual pathways to greater understanding and personal growth. The Devil card is just one of these divination cards.

This is a time when our shadow stuff, our inner thoughts and feelings of shame, guilt, rage, prejudices, regret, etc., is being brought up to clear. At least this is what my astrologer friends claim. We are in challenging times: personally, nationally, politically, and globally. I see it in myself, my friends, in what my clients are bringing to the table, and in the world around me. Even Gaia, Mother Earth, is protesting, and protesting violently. Whatever is going on cosmically, for my friends, my clients and I, this challenging time is very personal, and is often disruptive and painful.

I came across the Tarot about fifteen years ago when I was going through a major life transition that was intense and painful. I thought there must be something wrong when I kept pulling the Tower and the Devil cards. That was until I began to understand the true meaning of these cards and came to befriend them. I’m sharing what I learned from the cards in hopes that it might be helpful to those of you who might also be going through a challenging time.

The Devil

The 15th Major Arcana card of the Tarot is the Devil card. It speaks to the shadow side of ourselves that is held in bondage to our addictions, greed, negativity, insecurities, self-doubts, and fears (rejection, abandonment, not being good enough, not being loved, etc.). These shadow self-perceptions and beliefs keep us stuck in an old story. We cycle in it, even though we try to escape. But by some seemingly dirty trick, or act of self-sabotage, we keep getting pulled back into it the same old story.

How many of you find that you keep dating the same type of man or woman? Or have the same types of trouble at work? Or can’t seem to stop eating too much, drinking too much, or watching too much TV? Or have dreams and goals, but can’t find the motivation, or the courage, to risk doing something about it?

This is the Devil!
The Devil isn’t an external entity cursing your life! It is your own subconscious mind that is holding you back. It keeps you stuck in the shadow beliefs of your subconscious that basically say you can’t have what you want because…”you’re not good enough”, “you don’t deserve”, “you don’t really matter”, “there is something  wrong with you”, or some variation of the above.

None of this is true! It’s all part of the negative story you carry in your subconscious. You have the power to change that story! You just need to realize it is a story that is based on old beliefs about yourself.  This is what the Devil card is signaling when you pull it. Now, my astrologer friends tell me, is the time to clear it!

How do you change the story?
Changing our story requires going inward and being honest with ourselves. The first step is to realize you are being plagued by an old story we tell ourselves that involves addictions, greed, negativity, insecurities, self-doubts, and fears (rejection, abandonment, not being good enough, not being loved) etc. Once you realize that you are stuck in an old pattern, sit quietly and allow your mind to become calm by following your breath.

Once calm begin to feel whatever feelings are coming up. Acknowledge that you hare having these feeling. Then ask yourself is this feeling familiar? Does it fit into an old pattern? Are you really justified in having that reaction? Or are you feeding the emotions by creating a story around your feelings?

The importance of the PAUSE
It’s so important to pause when we are having an emotional reaction. Then acknowledge the feelings. Then ask, “do I need to react in the way that I am feeling?” If you are justified, the pause will help you decide on the most appropriate way to respond rather than lashing out. If not justified, then you can toss the feeling away as being irrelevant or an over-exaggeration of what is really going on in the situation.

Often times it is our own negative thoughts, or the stories we tell ourselves, that is the Devil creating our pain, distress, unhappiness, ill-will, and feelings of rejection.

Look for next week’s ezine to learn about the Tower and how it impacts our life.

If you would like help to free yourself from your shadow beliefs and change your story, please schedule a 30-minute complementary consultation today with Joy Reichard (415-819-8769). Learn how you can live a more joy-filled life.

  • Do you want more money?
  • Have you been trying to bring in more money, but just can’t seem to make it happen?
  • Did you know that your money story is tied to your parent’s money story?

In the past I had a lot of anxiety around money. Being a solo entrepreneur just heightened that anxiety. I finally realized the connection between my money story and my parent’s.

Both my parents grew up during the Depression. During that time many went without. There was never enough of anything, so my parents developed a scarcity mentality. When I was growing up, there was still never enough. I remember not wanting to worry my mother because I needed new shoes. We were always shopping for bargains.  And my siblings and I all carry deep rooted feelings of not being good enough.

When I realized that my money story was tied to that of my parent’s, I started to change that story. I was able to change my attitude about money so that I now have more financial comfort and experience greater ease. I can and do bring in enough to meet my needs. This change in attitude changed my life!  And it can change your life too.

I’ve come to realize that my fears and anxiety about money were the result of my on negative internal dialogue that said things like: “you’re not good enough,” or “you can’t do it,” or “you’ll never get it right.” This negativity was the source of the painful ebbs and flows I experienced with my finances. Though skilled at manifesting, it didn’t always work for me. Not because I didn’t know how to work with the principles of positive intention, but because of my inner negative dialogue. It was getting in the way of my being able to attract a steady flow of abundance.

I’ve given names to some of my own noisy inner voices. Maybe you will recognize them, or begin to give names to some of your own inner voices. I will also share some tips as to how I learned to quiet these voices and cultivate more positive ones.

BARGAIN BETTY
Everybody loves a bargain, right?! The problem is when you start to think of yourself as needing to be a bargain. This mentality undermines your belief in your own self-worth -especially if you have a caretaking nature. Then you may feel a need to give your services away for free, or for a price far below the value of what you offer. This sabotages your abundance.

Enlightened thought: Bargain shoppers are really shopping for value. They want to get what they pay for and more. People will pay for value. You just need to embrace your true value.

Remedy: Write down all the reasons for which people seek you out in your community. It can be something as simple as having a ‘compassionate ear.’ This has great value because so many have lost the skill involved in truly listening.  You might also tally up how much time and money you spent in acquiring your skills, experience, knowledge and training. You probably have invested a lot more in yourself than you realize.

Then take a look at this list and realize just how valuable you are. This is part of your worth to your community and to your clients. Own it and appreciate yourself. You are of great value! You are worth it!

ANXIOUS ANNIE
The constant anxiety around money becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People and potential clients can sense anxiety. It has a repellent quality that deters people and potential clients from finding you.

Enlightened thought: Notice when you have physical symptoms of anxiety. In reality they are warning you that something is out of balance. Forcing your way through fears without respecting your needs might only exacerbate the situation.

Remedy: Take several deep breaths and quiet your mind. Then have a dialogue with your anxiety and the underlying fear beneath. When you get to the root of your fear, then ask yourself if it’s really that bad. What’s the worst that could happen? Could you handle it?

Many times the monster that you don’t know is much more terrifying than the monster you do. Once you recognize what is really going on, then you will know how to deal with it. 

NEGATIVE NETTIE
She is fueled by fears and self-doubts. She rambles on with negative thoughts such as “I’m not good enough, bright enough, pretty enough.” Or “I’m too fat, too old, too scattered.” ” Or “I don’t have enough.” “I can’t.”  “I shouldn’t.”

Enlightened Thought: With so much energy fueling negative thoughts you don’t have the mental capacity for the positive, creative, and innovative thoughts that create opportunities leading to abundance.

Remedy:  Pay attention to your thoughts so you can recognize your negative thought patterns. Once you can recognize them, then consciously choose to stop giving them so much attention. Switch the channel! Think about something more positive and productive. Remember, you are in charge of your thoughts! You just need to take the reins and get your mind to work for you, and not against you.

Remember – Changing your money story is possible. When you change that story, then you can increase the amount of abundance and prosperity that flows into your life with greater ease and less struggle.

If this article resonates with you,
then you might be curious about my upcoming Free Talk:

Transform Your Money Story

October 10, 2017

7:00 to 9:00 PM

Blossoming Path

10227 Fair Oaks Boulevard, Fair Oaks, CA

Look for my ezine next week to learn about Worried Wilma, Meek Millie and Frazzled Frannie and how they can negatively impact your money story and what you can do about it.

If you are struggling with your money story and self-worth, then give me a call to find out how I can help you change your money story and so you can become more magnetic to a greater flow of abundance. Contact me today at 415-819-8769 or email me for a complementary 30-minute consultation.

“Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing can make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person can make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.” – Ralph Marston

This quote hit a chord with me. At one time I was going through a tough time that mired me in negativity. I was so negative that I was literally toxic, polluting everything that I came in contact with. Then I had an awakening and realized that the negativity was not happening to me, but I was creating it. Making a decision to change my attitude and strive for a more positive attitude changed my life for the better.

If you are going through a tough time, remember that you always have a choice no matter what the circumstance may be. And the choice is this:

You can either choose to let worry and upset fester at the expense of your life and well-being. Or, you can choose to see your situation in perspective, stay positive, and let go of anxiety and apprehension.

Sounds good, but how do you withstand those huge waves of negativity, let alone stay positive under the weight of overwhelming challenges? Here are a few suggestions to consider:

  1. Quit being a victim. Unfortunately, it’s seems easier to assume the role of a victim during tough times rather than taking responsibilities for yourself. By doing so, however, you will only prolong your suffering, and you might even put off people who may be able to help you. Letting go of the victim label also frees you from resentment and bitterness which can squash the creative energies you need to get out of the mess.

 

  1. Take stock with meditation. Meditate on what really happened and your response to the crisis. Learn to see the situation for what it really is. Begin by practicing breathing meditation, and then ask yourself: Take time to also contemplate on the nature of any prior crises. This will help you realize that that each challenge has a distinct beginning and end, and may even exhibit a cyclical trend. This can take some of the sting out of your current crisis.

“What has really happened in spite of what has been reported? Are my fears and worries real or imaginary? If they are real, what can I do about them?”

Take time to also contemplate on the nature of any prior crises. This will help you realize that that each challenge has a distinct beginning and end, and may even exhibit a cyclical trend. This can take some of the sting out of your current crisis.

 

  1. Focus on the positives. No matter how dire a situation may be, there are always some positives you can find in it. It is our unwillingness to look for them that blinds us to the brighter sides. One of my friends, Aaron Parnell, always tries to see what good thing can come out of any challenge or crisis he has faced. And he’s always found something good. It’s helped him to stay positive during some difficult situations. I’ve started modeling this behavior in my own life which has resulted in my coming up with some amazing insights and an overall more positive frame of mind.

 

  1. Give thanks. As you learn how to seek out the positives in every situation, then you can give thanks for the current situation as well as the things that you already have. For one, things could be much worse! It’s not always easy to be thankful in the face of a serious challenge. But focusing on what you do have, however, instead of what you’ve lost, will put you in a better position to solve any immediate problem rather than wasting time wallowing in worry and self-pity.

 

  1. Reach out to others. Do you know of people who are suffering because of some crisis? Some may have lost their jobs; or have suffered huge loss; or have a serious illness, or have a loved one who is seriously ill; or maybe there was a death in the family. Talk to them, listen compassionately, and if it is within your ability and means, offer your help, however small your offer may be. Helping others who are less fortunate than you also helps you to put things in perspective. And who knows, they may be the ones who are able to lend you a helping hand when the tables are turned at some point in the future.

 

There is no denying it; we are going through some challenging times that are affecting many of us personally, nationally and globally. Some are finding it hard to stay positive and cope. Next week I will offer more tips for staying positive during tough times.

… Adapted from 10 Ways to Stay Positive During Tough Times from https://theconsciouslife.com/stay-positive-tough-times.htm

 

If you are challenged with negative thinking, then contact Joy for a complimentary consultation to find out how your can reframe your thinking and live a more positive and happy life. Contact Joy at 415-819-8769 or email her today!

Why do I have to work so hard for everything I get?

Better be on guard, for the next bad thing is sure to happen.

Why can’t I ever get ahead?

Do these kinds of thoughts weave their way through your mind? If so, are they even yours? Or are they stray thoughts picked up from the mass collective that pervade the space around us just like air molecules?

I am beginning to have some serious questions about the source of many of my negative thoughts. In reality I have a pretty good life. I am doing the work I love. I have clients who value my skills, knowledge and experience. I was able to get the education I wanted and benefit from that knowledge. I live in a beautiful place where I feel safe. I have great friends and communities. My family is doing well. I have financial resources that enable me to do the things I really want to do.

YET… I still fall into that victim negative thinking of not having enough, or being enough!

When I stop and count my blessings, I realize that I really have a lot. My gratitude list is quite long. Why, then, do I keep cycling into negative thinking?

I am beginning to realize that some of those thoughts just aren’t mine, even though they pervade my thinking and pull me down just as if they were mine.

Some of those thoughts I can trace back to my parents. Both grew up during the depression. My mother repeatedly told the story of having to give back all her Christmas gifts when she was four because her parents lost all their money when the stock market crashed. They couldn’t pay off their debts and everything had to go back, even her favorite new purse. My father grew up on the farm with an outhouse and no electricity. He worked hard on that farm even though he was just a child. Both my parents suffered from what I call “depression mentality.”

My parents probably had many legitimate reasons for harboring thoughts about life being hard, and money being hard to come by. This was their experience, and I honor their experience. But their experience is not my reality! I’m learning to recognize the limiting thoughts of my parents, to separate their thoughts from my thoughts, and to mentally “send them back” to my parents. I don’t have to continue carrying the burden of my parents’ experience!

If your parents have passed on their own limiting thoughts, then you can send them back also. We all have enough going on right now in the present. We don’t need to dredge up the past, especially if it’s a past that belonged to our parents.

Sometimes we create a contract with our parents promising to suffer from the same burdens they did. It’s time to tear up those contracts and send back, or delete them – each thought one by one.

As soon as you recognize a negative thought as belonging to your parent, or anyone else, mentally stop, gather it up, and send it back. You can imagine emailing it back through the ethers, or burning it in a transmuting violet flame, or you can even put it in a bottle and throw it into an imaginary sea. Simple visuals like these will help you contain those thoughts that piggyback onto yours and release them. This practice will help you make more room for your own thoughts which are probably much more positive – much like my own present time thoughts are.

Our parents influence the development of our belief systems and how we operate in the world. Many times this is positive. Sometimes, however, we pick up some negative debris that we just need to purge. If you have trouble letting go of the experiences, thoughts and beliefs of your parents, or the mass consciousness in general, give me a call and come in for a complementary consultation. It is time to embrace the present and to be the master of your thoughts. Call Joy at 415-819-8769 or email joy@joyreichard.com.

When you’re in a high mood, the world seems to be a better place in general. Even though you may get a tear in your sleeve, spill your coffee, or have to deal with a noisy neighbor, when you’re happy these minor daily problems don’t really bother you. Conversely, when you’re feeling dejected or disappointed after some type of loss or breakup, each of life’s minor annoyances only adds to your pain. You find it difficult to look beyond what’s right in front of you and may even find yourself staring at the computer screen, watching the blinking cursor. New research is beginning to show how happiness isn’t just an emotional experience, but an emotion that can shape the way you perceive the world.

Your mood can impact your relationship
Your mood can also impact your relationship because it can augment or warp your good feelings towards your partner. When you’re in a high mood you tend to feel happier. Thus, your feelings toward your partner tend to be more positive. Any differences feel manageable, insignificant, or irrelevant. When in a low mood, however, these same differences can seem insurmountable, painful, and even deal breakers.

When your partner is in a low mood, you might think you have to understand why and fix it! In reality all you need to do is offer support when he or she is feeling low. This is largely because moods are constantly swinging back and forth as on a continuum. Moods are dynamic. They can change quickly, or slowly over time. That’s how moods work.

Your mood impacts your thoughts and feelings
When we’re in a low mood we tend to have negative, pessimistic, and even fearful thoughts that can lower our self-confidence and increase feelings of inadequacy. Conversely, when we are in a high mood we tend to have positive, confident, and even joyful thoughts. Low mood feelings can range from dread to relief. I.e. “I’m tired and I have to fix dinner tonight,” to “Great! He has to work late so I can go home and relax.” High mood feelings can range from contentment to euphoria. I. e. “It’ll be nice to relax with my husband tonight,” to “Yay! It’s Date Night!”

With all these thoughts and feelings fluctuating with your mood, your psychological functioning can also be impacted. When in a low mood your mental activity amps up as you start to ruminate about problems and your dissatisfaction with yourself, your partner, your job, or anything that’s irritating you. Sometimes there is a heightened but distorted sense of immediacy, as if whatever is bugging you has to be taken care of right now. It can’t wait!

It’s not the mood, but how you respond to it, that determines the quality of your life!
When low, you might feel distressed and succumb to the fear that the mood is real and will last forever. When high you might spend your time worrying about when “the other shoe will drop!” Or you can choose a more enlightened response and be grateful when mood is high while attempting to be graceful when it is low!

Mood Awareness
Paying attention to your mood will help you navigate through your mood shifts. To do this, start noticing how your perspective changes with each shift in your mood. Here are some examples:

  • Gloom and doom – Why is everyone always judging me?
  • All is not right with the world. – There are many villains out there.
  • I’m ok. Life’s okay – I feel content.
  • Gratitude – People are well meaning. They are trying to do the best they can.
  • Inspiration – I have more ideas than I can use.

Though none of us like being in a low mood, there are some benefits. Low moods tell us to slow down so we can be more reflective and recover our bearings. They teach us humility because they help us realize that we don’t know as much as we thought we did. Then, when the low mood ends, we realize how we’ve blown our thoughts and fears way out of proportion. It helps us maintain a better perspective for when we suffer another low mood.

When in a low mood – chill out!
When you notice you are in a low mood, acknowledge it. Then chill out! Your mood colors your perception of reality and can make things go south quickly. If you feel grumpy and irritable, try to keep to yourself until your mood shifts, for it will shift. During a low mood don’t become involved in any deep discussions, make any criticisms or judgments, or attempt to make any big decisions, especially with your partner. A low mood will contaminate your thinking and will increase your chances in getting into unproductive and damaging arguments.

How can you tell when you’re in a low mood?
Pay attention to how you’re feeling and to the quality of your thoughts. When you have painful feelings and your thoughts are full of shame, guilt, regrets, insecurities, and negativity, then you can be certain that you are in a low mood. Your thinking is contaminated. When you have feelings of well-being and your thoughts are confident and positive, then you’re in a high mood and your thinking is more trustworthy.

What if my partner is in a low mood?
When your partner is in a low mood, don’t criticize or judge them! Or try to fix them! Just let them work through their mood on their own. It will eventually shift. Don’t take what they say or do too personally as their perception is temporarily warped by their mood.

If they are verbally abusive or disrespectful, wait until their mood has shifted to address it. Before doing so refer to my blog on Compassionate Communication for directions on how to communicate your feelings and needs in a compassionate way. Resist temptation to fight with your partner during a low mood, or to resign yourself to being treated poorly.

Remember, moods can shift from moment to moment. Be patient and considerate, allow your partner to take care of themselves, stay focused on taking care of yourself, and allow the low mood to shift of its own accord. This will help you maintain a healthier relationship.

If you are having challenges in your relationship and would like some guidance on how to be a healthier partner with better communication skills, then contact Joy for a complimentary 30-minute consultation. Call Joy at 415-819-8769 or email Joy today!