Last week I shared with you that I had discovered that my negative money story came from my parents who had acquired a scarcity mentality from growing up during the depression. Since then, I have come to realize that my fears and anxiety about money were the result of my own negative internal dialog that said things like: “you’re not good enough”, or “you can’t do it”, or “you’ll never get it right.” This was the source of the painful ebbs and flows I experienced with my finances and interfered with my manifesting skills. From my work with my clients, I know that many of you probably have the same inner voices, or ones that are unique to you and your family.

I’ve given names to some of my noisy inner voices. Last week I introduced you to Bargain Bettie, Anxious Annie, and Negative Nettie. Maybe you recognized them. Today I’m going to share with you three new voices that have obstructed the flow of money into my life. They are Meek Mellie, Frazzled Franny, and Worried Wilma. I will also share some tips as to how I learned to quiet these voices and cultivate more positive ones. If you have different “voices” you might try to identify them and come up with your own enlightened thoughts and remedies.

Meek Mellie
This is a really hard archetype for a lot of women because most women don’t acknowledge their own value. Generally women are raised to be compliant, helpful, and supportive. They are afraid to be ‘pushy’. Therefore it’s challenging for them to ‘ask for the business’, or to get their needs met, or even to defend their justified boundaries. In reality, these women are often not ‘pushy’ enough. My mother was a bright capable leader but always deferred to men because she thought they were inherently smarter, wiser and more competent; which is not always the case!

Enlightened thought: If you are seeking business, remember to present the benefits and the results your clients will get from the service or product you provide. Come from the authentic place of wanting to help improve someone’s life, business, or environment in some way – or to offer support or a service with voice of authority. You will find that your clients will respond. And remember that you have value, you are smart and competent, and you have a right to have your say and to defend your boundaries.

Remedy: Find a group that can help you overcome your insecurities about speaking up. Most communities have networking opportunities, leads groups and Toast Masters. Practice makes perfect! Know you will mess up – and that’s OK. There are lots of people wherever you are and most probably won’t remember you anyway. Practicing in front of a mirror is a good way to begin developing more confidence in speaking up.

Frazzled Franny
This archetype operates under the belief that “more is better”. She generally has lots of ideas, but no focus. She believes that hard work and struggle are the only ways to make money. Therefore she can become overwhelmed, or paralyzed, or tend to waste time chasing down unnecessary worm holes. Most of this is not her fault, but is the result of wearing too many hats. Most women survive by multitasking the various responsibilities of being mother, wife, and homemaker while also balancing a job, aging parents, their children’s activities, and trying to have some kind of a life of their own.

Enlightened Thought: Hopefully, Frazzled Frannie will learn that spreading herself too thin and/or taking on too many responsibilities is counterproductive. It leads to fatigue, irritability, loss of focus, and burn-out. This archetype needs to learn to simplify and focus on the priorities, one of which is her own self-care!

Remedy: Pick 2-5 main priorities for the year and stick to them. If something comes up that is not in one of those areas, then refer it out – don’t get scattered. By staying focused you can do what you do WELL!

Worried Wilma
This Archetype tends to lives in the future and is always catastrophizing; she is always worried about what will happen IF …

She is only trying to keep you safe by alerting you to potential dangers – but she ends up erecting so many roadblocks that it becomes almost impossible to move forward. This constant worrying and feeling stuck is a time and energy suck!

In reality, the archetypes from last week and this are trying to help in some way:

Bargain Betty – wants to save money.

Frazzled Franny – thinks that if you rush can maybe get everything done.

Meek Mellie, Anxious Annie, Negative Nettie, and Worried Wilma –  are just trying to keep you safe from embarrassing or dangerous situations.

They need to be forgiven because they are simply younger, more vulnerable, parts of you that haven’t realized that you have become so much bigger, wiser, more informed and competent than you felt when you created these inner personas earlier in your life.

Once you’ve identified the archetypes that are obstructing the flow of money and success and forgiven them, then you can focus on creating your positive archetype, the Money Diva, who allows you to succeed.

The Money Diva believes in herself and knows her worth.  She radiates confidence and knows the value of what she has to offer. Living with integrity, she is in service to the greater good and doesn’t sell herself or her services short.

Sanaya Roman, in her book Creating Money, says your beliefs create your reality. She goes on to say that beliefs are assumptions about the nature of reality because you create what you believe. You will always find proof for whatever it is you believe: I.e. If a person believes the universe is abundant, they will act as if the universe is abundant and they will attract abundance. If they believe money comes with hard work and struggle, making money will be hard. If they believe they can’t hold onto money, then money will appear to slip through their fingers. We will have whatever experience that proves what we believe.

Therefore, if we change what we believe, we can change what we experience. We can co-create our reality.

Most of my articles focus on women and the female perspective. This is sadly ignoring about 50% of the population. Men are also trying to find their way in our changing culture. I believe the changes are requiring men to develop more compassion. Yet, what is required of men to become more compassionate? For that answer I turned to an article written by Kozo Hattori that was published in the Greater Good.

As promised here is:

What Makes a Compassionate Man? Part Two

What does it take to foster compassion in men? To find out, Kozo Hattori interviewed scientific and spiritual experts.

3. Transcendence of gender stereotypes

All of the compassionate men interviewed broke out of the ‘act-like-a-man’ box. At a certain point in his life, Dr. Rick Hanson realized that he was too left brained, so he made a conscious effort to re-connect with his intuitive, emotional side. When Elad Levinson, program director for Spirit Rock Meditation Center, first encountered loving-kindness and compassion practices, his first reaction was what he claims to be fairly typical for men: “Come on! You are being a wuss, Levinson. No way are you going to sit here and wish yourself well.” So the actual practice of compassion instigated his breaking free from gender stereotypes.

Dr. Ted Zeff cites a study that found infant boys are more emotionally reactive than infant girls, but by the time a boy reaches five or six years old “he’s learned to repress every emotion except anger, because anger is the only emotion society tells a boy he is allowed to have.” If society restricts men’s emotional spectrum to anger, then it is obvious men need to transcend this conditioning to become compassionate.

Dr. Doty points to artificially defined roles as a major problem in our society because they prevent men from showing their vulnerability. “If you can’t be vulnerable, you can’t love,” says Doty. Vulnerability is a key to freedom from the act-like-a-man box, for it allows men to remove the armor of masculinity and authentically connect with others.

Both Dr. Doty and Scott Kriens emphasize authenticity as a necessary pathway to compassion. Kriens defines authenticity as “when someone is sharing what they believe as opposed to what they want you to believe.”  This opens the door to compassion and true connection with others.

4. Emotional intelligence

In Raising Cain, Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson argue that most boys are raised to be emotionally ignorant: “Lacking an emotional education, a boy meets the pressure of adolescence and that singularly cruel peer culture with the only responses he has learned and practiced—and that he know are socially acceptable—the typical ‘manly’ responses of anger, aggression, and emotional withdrawal.”

In contrast, most of the men I interviewed were “emotionally literate.” They seemed to see and feel things with the sensitivity of a Geiger counter. Tears welled up in Dr. Doty’s eyes a number of times when he talked about compassion. Dr. Hanson explained how he landed in adulthood “from the neck up” then spent a large part of his 20s becoming whole again. Much of Chade-Meng Tan’s “Search Inside Yourself” training that he developed for the employees of Google is based on emotional intelligence developed through attention training, self-knowledge, and self-mastery.

Similarly, Father Richard Rohr leads initiation groups for young men that force initiates to face pain, loneliness, boredom, and suffering to expand their emotional and spiritual capacity. It is no coincidence that these initiations are held in nature. Nature seems to be an important liminal space that allows boys and men to reconnect with their inner world. Dr. Hanson is an avid mountain climber. Dr. Ted Zeff advocates spending time in nature with boys to allow their sensitivity to develop.

5. Silence

Almost all of the men I interviewed regularly spend some time in silence. They’d hit “pause” so that they can see themselves and others more clearly. When our interview approached two hours, Dr. Rick Hanson asked to wrap it up so he would have time for his morning meditation. Meng Tan had just returned from a week-long silent meditation retreat a few days before our interview. Scott Kriens started a daily sitting and journaling practice almost ten years ago that he rigorously practices to this day.

Father Richard Rohr practices Christian contemplative prayer, which he says leads to a state of “undefended knowing” that transcends dualistic, us/them thinking. Rohr argues that true compassion can’t happen without transcending dualistic thinking. “Silence teaches us not to rush to judgment,” says Rohr.

Self-awareness through mindfulness practices like meditation, silent prayer, or being in nature allow compassionate men to embrace suffering without reacting, resisting, or repressing. Thich Nhat Hanh says that mindfulness holds suffering tenderly “like a mother holding a baby.” That poetic image is backed up by more and more research, which is finding that mindfulness can help foster compassion for others.

So the path to making more compassionate men is clear: understand compassion as a strength, get to know yourself, transcend gender roles, look for positive role models—and become one yourself. If that sounds too complicated, 84-year-old Marvin Maurer sums up being a compassionate man in five easy words, “Be in love with love.”

You can find Part One of “What Makes a Compassionate Man” on my website. Click here. In the meantime, if you are a man who is struggling to find out how to be more compassionate in a patriarchal society, please contact Joy a call for a 30-minute complimentary consultation. Email Joy or call 415-819-8769 today.

 

You can find the original article at https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_makes_a_compassionate_man

Do you feel the wildness within?… The energy of the wild woman that cries to be unleashed? Then you must also know that wild women need their sisters.There is a vastness to us. We are mystical – sometimes even mysterious. We are rich and vibrant and full of passion and purpose. In fact, we surge with it. It rises up in us — an all-consuming fire — and we burn with deep knowing, profound understanding, and a message to live in whatever way we see fit.If the wild woman is awakening, you know it! You feel the emerging fire.

Your divinity — your soul — is ready to be embodied. You are asked to become a living goddess, embracing the authority and immortality that comes with soul-full living.

We are fierce.
We have proven that we have what it takes to overcome great hardship. We have proven that our hearts can withstand our darkest days and still blaze the trail forward. We have conceived of the goddess within us. We are pregnant with the lights of our own being.

We are Sensual.
Being sensual is more than being sexual. The more you embrace your sensuality, the more you can embrace your sexuality. Being sensual means paying attention to and thoroughly enjoying what your senses are telling you.  It means fully experiencing the delight of beautiful smells, delicious tastes, interesting sounds, and the pleasures of touch.

When you pay attention to your senses you can more easily make that transition from working woman/mother/daughter/crone to sensual and sexual wild woman.

We are quickening.
Oh, can you feel it? Can you feel what is about to be born? The eclipses of this month have birthed us into the light. It is time to call our sisters to us. We must gather now. We must draw each other near. We all need midwives. We all need doulas.

We all need the songs of angels and the prayerful medicines of wise women in our midst. We are birthing a new world.

A sister circle is not a luxury. It is essential to our emotional and spiritual health.

Our culture pits women against each other because women of shared intent are dangerous to oppressive masculine systems. But we are wiser than that.

We know our own power, and when we create a circuit of energy with other loving and conscious women, we magnify the nurturing, the healing, the grace, the freedom, the creativity and the love our lives stand for.

Have you been yearning for a sister circle as much as I have?

If so, then I invite you to join one of the sister circles I’m offering. See the upcoming events below and make a commitment to join us. We welcome you in sisterhood.

In Her Name Circle (San Mateo, CA)

Hindu Shakta Tantra & Ancient Female Blood Mysteries
Featuring Kimberley Gibbons,

MA Women’s Spirituality, PhD student in Philosophy & Religion

 

Friday, August 25, 2017

7 to 9:00 PM

Unitarian Universalist of San Mateo, 300 E. Santa Inez, San Mateo, CA 94401

$15 online or $20 at the door

 

Circle with the Divine Feminine (Fair Oaks, CA)

Artemis: Patron Goddess of the Amazons

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

6:30 to 8:30 PM

 

Blossoming Path: 10227 Fair Oaks Blvd, Fair Oaks Village, CA

$10 Love Donation

Adapted from an article by Rebelle Society: Creatively Maladjusted http://www.rebellesociety.com/2015/01/28/a-sister-circle-is-not-a-luxury-7-guidelines-for-starting-your-own/

“All Things Are Connected,” the concluding chapter to John Robbins’ Pulitzer Prize nominated Diet for a New America (1987), begins with a quote from the famous mystic Edgar Cayce:

Destiny, or karma, depends upon what the soul has done about what it has become aware of.

John Robbins writes:

“At the present time, when most of us sit down to eat, we aren’t very aware of how our food choices affect the world.  We don’t realize that in every Big Mac there is a piece of the tropical rainforests, and with every billion burgers sold another hundred species become extinct.  We don’t realize that in the sizzle of our steaks there is the suffering of animals, the mining of our topsoil, the slashing of our forests, the harming of our economy, and the eroding of our health.  We don’t hear in the sizzle the cry of the hungry millions who might otherwise be fed.  We don’t see the toxic poisons (pesticides) accumulating in the food chains, poisoning our children and our earth for generations to come.

“But once we become aware of the impact of our food choices, we can never really forget.  Of course, we can push it all to the back of our minds, and we may need to do this, at times, to endure the enormity of what is involved.

“But the earth itself will remind us, as will our children, and the animals and the forests and the sky and the rivers, that we are part of this earth, and it is part of us.  All things are deeply connected, and so the choices we make in our daily lives have enormous influence, not only on our own health and vitality, but also on the lives of other beings, and indeed on the destiny of life on earth.

“Thankfully, we have cause to be grateful — what’s best for us personally is also best for other forms of life, and for the life support systems on which we all depend.

“The Indians who dwelt for countless centuries in what we now call the United States lived in harmony with the land and with nature.  Their societies were each unique, yet all were founded on a reverence for life that conserved nature rather than destroying it, and which lived in balance with what we today call the ecosystem.  To them, it was all the work of God.  Every shining pine needle, every sandy shore, every mist in the dark woods, every humming insect was holy.

“When the white man forced them to make the ultimate sacrifice and sell their land, the great Chief Seattle spoke for his people and asked one thing in return.  He did not ask something for himself, nor for his tribe, nor even for the Indian people.  There were, of course, many things of immense importance he must have wanted at such a time.  He could have asked for more blankets, horses, or food.  He could have asked that the ancestral burial grounds be respected.  He could have asked many things for himself or for his people.  But what stood above all else in importance had to do with the relationship between humans and other animals.  His one request was as prophetic as it was plain:

I will make one condition. The white man must treat the beasts of this land as his brothers. For whatever happens to the beasts soon happens to man. All things are connected.

“Chief Seattle spoke for a people whose bond with the natural world was unimaginably profound.  Yet the white man called them savages, and utterly disregarded his plea. The factory farms that produce today’s meats, dairy products and eggs are living testimony to how totally we have disdained the one condition he made.

“The white man thought Chief Seattle an ignorant savage.  But he was a prophet whose wisdom and eloquence arose from living contact with Creation.  And his words are astoundingly similar to those of a book written long, long ago.  The Bible, too, tells us the fates of humans and animals are intimately intertwined.

“For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth the beasts.
Even one thing befalleth them:
as the one dieth, so dieth the other;
yea they have all one breath,
so that a man hath no pre-eminence above a beast.

—Ecclesiastes 3:19

“Chief Seattle did not know that centuries before a book called the Bible had spoken in words almost identical to his own.  But he spoke on behalf of life itself, and the wisdom of the ages poured through him.  Today, when we have strayed so very far from an ethical relationship to other creatures and to the welfare of the world we share, his message remains with us as a light of immeasurable brilliance.  Never before has the truth of his words been so apparent:

“One thing we know;
Our God is the same,
This earth is precious to Him…
This we know:
The earth does not belong to man:
Man belongs to the earth.
This we know:
All things are connected
Like the blood which unites one family.
All things are connected.
Whatever befalls the earth
Befalls the sons of the earth.
Man did not weave the web of life.
He is merely a strand in it.
Whatever he does to the web,
He does to himself.”

— http://www.all-creatures.org/murti/art-web-of-life.html

Disrespect for the earth and her cycles, ignorance and/or disregard of the dangers of polluting her land, atmosphere and waters that leads to environmental devastation ranks right up there with war. Both have a devastating effect on our planet, and thus humanity itself. There is a growing need to re-sanctify the web of life and the interconnectedness of all things. Sadly, many believe we are already running out of time.

If you are concerned about the fate of our Mother, the Earth, and live in the Sacramento Area, then join us for:

Grandmother Spider and Other Ancestral Native American Mother Archetypes
Presented by Circle with the Divine Feminine
Wednesday, August 16, 2017 
6:30 to 8:30 PM
Blossoming Paths, 10227 Fair Oaks Blvd, Fair Oaks Village, CA

For more info contact Blossoming Path at 916-962-1469 
Or Joy at 415-819-8769 or email joy@joyreichard.com

Grandmother Spider, or Spider Woman, appears in the origin stories of many Native American groups. She is just one of many ancestral Native American mother archetypes that you will be introduced to during this presentation. Legends and stories were important in Native American cultures because they helped Native American adapt and connect deeply to both the natural and supernatural worlds.

Please join us next Wednesday, Aug 16, to learn about Grandmother Spider and other Native American Mother Archetypes, to discover the importance of having a deeper rapport with the Great Mother, the Earth, and to experience a meditation that will strengthen your connection to the Web of Life.

John Robbins is considered by many to be one of the most eloquent and powerful spokespersons in the world for a sane, ethical and sustainable future. He has been a featured and keynote speaker at major conferences sponsored by Physicians for Social Responsibility, Beyond War, Oxfam, the Sierra Club, the Humane Society of the United States, the United Nations Environmental Program, UNICEF, and many other organizations dedicated to creating a healthy, just, and sustainable way of life. https://www.johnrobbins.info/

When you’re in a high mood, the world seems to be a better place in general. Even though you may get a tear in your sleeve, spill your coffee, or have to deal with a noisy neighbor, when you’re happy these minor daily problems don’t really bother you. Conversely, when you’re feeling dejected or disappointed after some type of loss or breakup, each of life’s minor annoyances only adds to your pain. You find it difficult to look beyond what’s right in front of you and may even find yourself staring at the computer screen, watching the blinking cursor. New research is beginning to show how happiness isn’t just an emotional experience, but an emotion that can shape the way you perceive the world.

Your mood can impact your relationship
Your mood can also impact your relationship because it can augment or warp your good feelings towards your partner. When you’re in a high mood you tend to feel happier. Thus, your feelings toward your partner tend to be more positive. Any differences feel manageable, insignificant, or irrelevant. When in a low mood, however, these same differences can seem insurmountable, painful, and even deal breakers.

When your partner is in a low mood, you might think you have to understand why and fix it! In reality all you need to do is offer support when he or she is feeling low. This is largely because moods are constantly swinging back and forth as on a continuum. Moods are dynamic. They can change quickly, or slowly over time. That’s how moods work.

Your mood impacts your thoughts and feelings
When we’re in a low mood we tend to have negative, pessimistic, and even fearful thoughts that can lower our self-confidence and increase feelings of inadequacy. Conversely, when we are in a high mood we tend to have positive, confident, and even joyful thoughts. Low mood feelings can range from dread to relief. I.e. “I’m tired and I have to fix dinner tonight,” to “Great! He has to work late so I can go home and relax.” High mood feelings can range from contentment to euphoria. I. e. “It’ll be nice to relax with my husband tonight,” to “Yay! It’s Date Night!”

With all these thoughts and feelings fluctuating with your mood, your psychological functioning can also be impacted. When in a low mood your mental activity amps up as you start to ruminate about problems and your dissatisfaction with yourself, your partner, your job, or anything that’s irritating you. Sometimes there is a heightened but distorted sense of immediacy, as if whatever is bugging you has to be taken care of right now. It can’t wait!

It’s not the mood, but how you respond to it, that determines the quality of your life!
When low, you might feel distressed and succumb to the fear that the mood is real and will last forever. When high you might spend your time worrying about when “the other shoe will drop!” Or you can choose a more enlightened response and be grateful when mood is high while attempting to be graceful when it is low!

Mood Awareness
Paying attention to your mood will help you navigate through your mood shifts. To do this, start noticing how your perspective changes with each shift in your mood. Here are some examples:

  • Gloom and doom – Why is everyone always judging me?
  • All is not right with the world. – There are many villains out there.
  • I’m ok. Life’s okay – I feel content.
  • Gratitude – People are well meaning. They are trying to do the best they can.
  • Inspiration – I have more ideas than I can use.

Though none of us like being in a low mood, there are some benefits. Low moods tell us to slow down so we can be more reflective and recover our bearings. They teach us humility because they help us realize that we don’t know as much as we thought we did. Then, when the low mood ends, we realize how we’ve blown our thoughts and fears way out of proportion. It helps us maintain a better perspective for when we suffer another low mood.

When in a low mood – chill out!
When you notice you are in a low mood, acknowledge it. Then chill out! Your mood colors your perception of reality and can make things go south quickly. If you feel grumpy and irritable, try to keep to yourself until your mood shifts, for it will shift. During a low mood don’t become involved in any deep discussions, make any criticisms or judgments, or attempt to make any big decisions, especially with your partner. A low mood will contaminate your thinking and will increase your chances in getting into unproductive and damaging arguments.

How can you tell when you’re in a low mood?
Pay attention to how you’re feeling and to the quality of your thoughts. When you have painful feelings and your thoughts are full of shame, guilt, regrets, insecurities, and negativity, then you can be certain that you are in a low mood. Your thinking is contaminated. When you have feelings of well-being and your thoughts are confident and positive, then you’re in a high mood and your thinking is more trustworthy.

What if my partner is in a low mood?
When your partner is in a low mood, don’t criticize or judge them! Or try to fix them! Just let them work through their mood on their own. It will eventually shift. Don’t take what they say or do too personally as their perception is temporarily warped by their mood.

If they are verbally abusive or disrespectful, wait until their mood has shifted to address it. Before doing so refer to my blog on Compassionate Communication for directions on how to communicate your feelings and needs in a compassionate way. Resist temptation to fight with your partner during a low mood, or to resign yourself to being treated poorly.

Remember, moods can shift from moment to moment. Be patient and considerate, allow your partner to take care of themselves, stay focused on taking care of yourself, and allow the low mood to shift of its own accord. This will help you maintain a healthier relationship.

If you are having challenges in your relationship and would like some guidance on how to be a healthier partner with better communication skills, then contact Joy for a complimentary 30-minute consultation. Call Joy at 415-819-8769 or email Joy today!

Have you ever made a commitment to change, only to find out 3 days, or a week, or a couple of weeks later you’ve thrown in the towel and given up? Maybe you convinced yourself that the change wasn’t really necessary. Or maybe you just feel discouraged with the slow progress, or possibly you simply cave in and add one more failure to your long list of supposed failures.

If this is you, then it’s time to ease up on yourself!

We humans evolved to keep things the same. It’s an ingrained survival technique. Being able to repeat behaviors automatically saves time, effort, and the challenge of making decisions repeatedly over the course of our days.

It is possible to change, however. You just need to understand how the mind works so that you can work with your mind to make change more easily.

Most commitments to change fail because they are made with the conscious mind. Yet it’s in your subconscious mind where all the action takes place! Your subconscious mind is responsible for your thoughts and behaviors – and frequently overrides the intentions of your conscious mind. Willpower is not enough. If you don’t engage your subconscious mind, lasting change can be elusive!

Changing thoughts and behaviors in the subconscious requires using your imagination, adding emotional content, and repetition!

Reframe your thoughts. You may have great intentions about implementing a new behavior or practice – take exercising for example – but may really think it is just too much work! Those negative thoughts will sabotage you every time! So reframe your thoughts and add some positive emotions to it. Take a moment to come up with several good reasons why you want to change like, “Exercising will give me more energy.” Or, “I will look better and feel better if I exercise.” Then every time those negative thoughts creep up, replace them immediately with your positive ones.

Replace your habit with something healthy. We humans tend to repeat habits that comfort or soothe us when stressed. We get stuck and don’t consider healthier options. So if you are trying to change a habit – like quitting smoking – think of 5 things you can do instead of reaching for that cigarette. How about a glass of water, a cup of tea, a short walk, read a magazine article, chew a stick of sugarless gum. A craving lasts 3 to 5 minutes. If you can distract yourself, it will pass and you will be on your way to beating that old habit.

Visualize the end result. Goals are very important. Visualizing your goal will help you achieve it. It is one thing to want to lose weight. It is quite another thing to want to look great in a bathing suit for summer, or those tight jeans and tank top! Keeping a strong visual of your specific goal and how you will feel when you achieve that goal will help you succeed.

Replace those “bloopers.” We all have inner videos – little replays of past memories that I call the “bloopers.” They have a powerful hold over our behaviors. So if you want to change – like having a better social life – but you keep replaying those “bloopers” of when you bombed at a date, or were the wallflower at a dance, you will never even get started. So create your own videos. Why not! Have fun with it! See yourself in social settings engaged in conversations, laughing and having a great time. You will be amazed at how creating your own inner videos can improve your life.

Stay Positive. Implementing new behaviors can bring up a lot of emotions. Believe it or not, there is a part of us that assumes keeping everything the same is in our best interest. So when you want to change you may feel tired, bored with the effort, irritated because you aren’t doing it right, and even anxious. These resistances are normal, but they don’t need to stop your progress. When you feel them, just acknowledge them as old feelings, and then focus on how good you’re going to feel when you complete the task, project, or succeed at putting into action your new behavior.

By implementing these five ways to make change you will find it is easier to make positive change. However, if you find that you still lack the motivation to accomplish your goals, please contact me for a free consultation to see how life coaching with hypnotherapy can help you achieve success. Call 415-819-8769 or email Joy TODAY!

Not many of us readily embrace change. I was one of those. My motto was, “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.” The problem was that I didn’t always listen when something was broken.

Life conditions us in various ways. My parents were from the depression era. They had to put up with a lot of hardship and unpleasantness. Therefore I grew up with a high tolerance for difficulties. This meant I was often the frog clinging to the frying pan even though my feet were fried. I stayed in two different marriages too reluctant, stubborn, or scared to leave. I did this even though I had daily killer headaches from the effort of trying to make things work.

I even stayed in a job for six years where I had a dragon lady boss. It was not unusual to get a public dressing down. Just going to work gave me anxiety. The situation got worse and worse until my body caved in and I went out on a disability.

I put up with it all until a psychic told me that all I’d ever been, and would ever would be, was a martyr and a drudge unless I made some changes, and quickly.

I now know that the universe was trying to tell me that I was off my path. I needed to re-orient my direction, and the sooner the better! The more I resisted, the more the universe turned up the heat! I had things to do in this lifetime. Yet I had veered from my life’s purpose. The universe was determined that I get back on track, and made my life miserable until I listened.

The amazing part of the saga is that when I listened, and made the decision to find and follow my path, my story changed. I found friends, community, meaning, joy, and fulfillment. Were things perfect? Did I luxuriate in abundance? NO! But I had the energy, creativity, and support to meet every challenge I faced. And, for once, I was happy. I’m so glad I finally listened!

Do you have a passion but ignore it because you don’t have the time, money, motivation, etc.? Have you always wanted to do something but were too afraid, or made a zillion excuses, or thought you were incapable of pulling it off? Do you feel deep down inside that you are here for a purpose, but can’t figure out what it is, or worse, won’t let yourself acknowledge it? Or maybe you have an inkling of what your life purpose is, but for a multitude of reasons you just won’t go there?

If this is you, and you’re living an unhappy, directionless, and unfulfilling life that seems to be getting worse instead of better, then you may not be listening to the universe. We incarnate with things to do and lessons to learn. The universe doesn’t like freeloaders. One way or another, there is a cost. And the cost of resistance can be extremely painful. My advice is to pay attention and take action. When you pay attention to the universe, it will support you because it wants you to live your life’s purpose.

If you feel directionless, or feel you are supposed to do something purposeful in this lifetime yet are feeling stuck, then contact me to find out how you can live a more rewarding, meaningful, and happy life. Call Joy at 415-819-8769, or email joy@joyreichard.com

New Years Resolutions are easy to make.

Keeping them is a totally different matter.

Too often by February many of you are back to the same old habits and behaviors.  There are millions of pounds not lost, thousands of gym memberships lying fallow, and way too many cigarette packs being sold. Some of you may be thinking “why even bother with those New Years Resolutions this year.”  In the battle of wills, you always seem to be on the losing side!

So, what if you knew that there was a way to keep those New Years Resolution.

Are you curious?

IT IS POSSIBLE to keep those resolutions and change your life! You just need a new strategy that will help you stay on track.  Here are five tips on how you can make your New Years Resolutions stick.

Visualize
It’s hard to make any kind of change if you only rely on your conscious, rational mind.  You can have all the right reasons, but if you don’t engage your subconscious, then long lasting change will be difficult.

Think back to the last time you were able to make a significant change in your life.  You may have daydreamed or

 

fantasized about what it would be like before you even took action to make that change.

Our habits and behaviors are stored in the subconscious, and the subconscious is resistant to change. Logic and rationale alone aren’t enough. You must communicate with your subconscious using both images and your imagination if you want change to happen. This is the very same stuff our dreams and fantasies are made of!

So when you are working on your New Years Resolutions, allow yourself to delve into your imagination! Take time to create vivid images of those things you want to change.

Empower Your Resolutions with Desire
Visualizing is important. But you also have to fuel your resolutions with the proper emotion. Incorporating emotions is like adding color to a black and white movie. It gives it depth and power which will help bring your intention into form.

 

For example, if you want to increase exercise because you think you should exercise more; your resolution will be short lived. This is because there’s no internal fuel to keep the desire alive through the boredom, distractions, and the busy lives we all seem to be leading. However, when you imagine how much better you will feel, how much more energy you will have, and how much better you’ll feel about yourself- then you’ll have the inner fire that will guarantee success.

The importance of passion
My grievance with The Secret is that it infers that manifesting simply involves visioning what you want, feeling the emotions of having it, and sitting around waiting for it to happen. WRONG! – Envisioning your intentions and fueling them with emotions is central to successful manifesting! But doing the work, taking action, is a must!

Self-discipline, however, is not about ‘banging you head against a wall.’ It does require, however, that you are committed to doing the work, being consistent, and following through.

This is where passion comes in. Doing the work can be grueling if you aren’t passionate about what you’re trying to accomplish. A runner can feel lukewarm about running, but will run anyway because they know it will help keep their weight down and build sustaining power.

On the other hand, a runner can feel passionate about running because they love the feel of strength in their legs, the speed of gliding over the land, and the ‘high’ of stretching their endurance to capacity. It’s the passion that fuels long lasting change. It’s like adding HD to a movie.

Achievability and believability
Sometimes our New Years Resolutions fail even though we visualize the outcome, feel the success of having it, and energize it with passion. This is because deep down inside we don’t believe it’s possible.

When this happens we’ve usually taken “the sky’s the limit” track, rather than making our resolution achievable and believable. Maybe you won’t win a triathlon. But, maybe you can find a running buddy who inspires you to get out and run several times a week. Maybe you can’t run five or ten miles, but you can start with a mile or two.

Doing what is believable and achievable is enough. It helps you overcome the self-defeating thoughts of “I’m not good enough so why even try.”

Stay Positive
Implementing new behaviors can bring up a lot of emotions.  Believe it or not, there is a part of us that assumes keeping everything the same is in our best interest.  So even when you really want to change, you may feel tired, bored with the effort, irritated because you aren’t doing it right, or it’s taking too long, or you  may even feel anxious. These are resistances, and they are normal. But they don’t need to stop your progress!

Right now I’m on my fourth day of a green smoothie cleanse. It was easy to think about doing the cleanse and to plan, shop and make the first days’ worth of smoothies.  Now that I’m into the fourth day I’m already having fantasies of grilled steak, a Starbuck’s latte, or some hot sweet potato French fries.  But I hang on to the memory of
how hard it was to zip up my favorite pants, and how great I’m going to feel when I can zip them up  again with comfort and ease. Then I down another smoothie with a smile!

Cravings, resistance, negative self-talk, it’s all going to happen when you’re trying to make a change. So when you have these thoughts or feelings, just acknowledge them as old behaviors and habits. Then focus on how good you’re going to feel when you achieve you goal, or succeed at putting into action your new behavior or habit. I already know how good I’m going to feel when I can zip up those pants again! That’s what is keeping me on track.

By implementing these five simple tips you’ll find that you can keep those New Year’s Resolutions with greater resolve.  Remember to:

  1. Visualize
  2. Empower with desire
  3. Infuse with passion
  4. Make your resolution achievable and believable
  5. Stay positive

If you find that you still lack the motivation to accomplish your goals, please contact me for a free 30-minute consultation to see how transformational life coaching with hypnotherapy can help you achieve success in 2016.

Call Joy at 415-819-8769 or email Joy@joyreichard.com today.

For more information, visit my website at  healingwithjoy.net.

 

 

 

 

There’s a lot of hustle and bustle at this time of the year. With my sons, nieces and nephews busy producing the next generation, my shopping list has been growing at a rapid rate. I love shopping for the little ones, but I’ve reached the point where the holiday crowds have become overwhelming!

Fortunately, I’ve learned to make the holiday season manageable by shopping early, and doing some of it online. I’m happy to say that I just purchased the last gift! Now I can relax and enjoy the rest of the holidays with that biggest of the “to do’s” on my list accomplished.

With that big “To Do” out of the way, I can now focus on the most important activity of this time of the year. For me, it’s all about reflection, assessment, wrapping up of the year, and gestating ideas for the New Year. Now I’m reviewing what I’ve accomplished this year and am assessing if there is anything else I want to complete before year end. Then I’ll begin setting goals and objectives for next year. Yep! I’m already making plans for 2016.

As busy as the Holidays are, taking time out for reflection and assessment helps me end the year with a sense of completion. It helps me stay grounded and focused during the whirlwind of activity and fun with family and friends. Then when New Year’s Eve hits I can truly celebrate because I’ve already been gestating my goals and objectives. I know where I’m heading and what I need to do in 2016.

I highly recommend this introspective practice of making plans for the New Year. The benefits you reap are much greater than the time it takes!

If you’re curious about the process, I’d love to share what was given to me by one of my mentors.
First, find some quiet time where you do nothing but reflect and think. For me, the best time is during meditation. You, however, might prefer a leisurely walk along the beach or hiking trail, or sitting quietly with a latte at a local coffee shop. Whatever works for you is great, but the idea is to set aside time to be alone with your thoughts.

Then let your mind float over what you might want to complete this year and fantasize about what you’d like to do next year. I’m reaching a point where if something feels too hard, or like too much work, I pass on it. Instead it’s much better to let your mind float to those things you feel excited and enthusiastic about. You can tell what they are because you’ll start feeling energized and the juices will start flowing! I find that when I reach this stage I can’t wait until I can sit down at my computer, or with pen and paper, and start jotting down ideas!

This leads to the third step in the process. Now it’s time to start putting those goals, projects and ideas on paper. Don’t worry about the order or time frame. At this point just do a ‘brain dump.’ Sometimes you might get it all down at once. Other times you might find that you’re updating, revising, expanding, and perhaps contracting your list over several days. It’s all good. Your primary focus is to get down all the ideas and goals that feel exciting and energizing.

Once you have all your ideas down, then start organizing them into goals and the steps, or objectives, that need to be completed in order to achieve them.  They should be S.M.A.R.T. goals.

What?  What’s a S.M.A.R.T. goal?

Specific – This means you should have a clear understanding of what it is that you will do and what the end product will look like.  For example, last year my goal was to do a weekly e-zine providing useful information to my following. A weekly e-zine is a specific goal, and the e-zine itself is the end product.

Measurable w/ Measurement – This means you should have some idea as to whether you will meet the goal or not. For example, I’ve been about 75% successful in getting out a weekly e-zine. Considering I’m human and have a busy schedule, I feel pretty good about my success rate for the first year of trying to execute this kind of an aggressive goal.

Achievable – This means that there is a high probability that you can be successful at achieving your goal. For example, since I’ve been about 75% successful in getting out a weekly e-zine, then a weekly e-zine was an achievable goal.

Relevant – This means that your goal should serve a purpose, or have an impact. For example, my purpose was to share useful information. Frequently I receive positive feedback from my readers which validates that my e-zine has relevance.

Time-Oriented – This means, “When will you achieve this goal? What are the start and end dates?” For example, the time-bound goal for my e-zine was ‘weekly.’

Evaluating your goals to make sure they are ‘S.M.A.R.T.’ will help you stay practical and reasonable about what you can accomplish so you don’t fall victim to overwhelm and burn out, get sick, or give up!
Once you’ve evaluated your goals, then start organizing them into 3, 6, 9, and 12 month goals.

Once you have your quarterly goals identified, then it’s time to begin identifying and scheduling weekly steps or objectives. At this stage I tend to drill down the weekly objectives for just 3 months at a time. I always keep the larger perspective in mind, but I’ve found that ‘life happens while we’re busy making plans to do something else.’

Goals and objectives often need to be fine-tuned and re-evaluated as the year progresses. One year I had knee surgery, another year I fell in love (not a good excuse for getting knocked off track, but I had fun!), and another year the recession hit and I had to change course mid-stream to adapt to the new economic situation . It’s important to keep some flexibility in your schedule so you can adapt and re-assess as needed.

Now, schedule a time to review your goals and objectives weekly. This will help you stay on track with the smaller objectives so you can hit your targeted big goals in a timely manner. Mondays are a great day to do this. It’s the first day of the week. A quick review of what’s on your schedule on Mondays will help you stay on track so you can have a productive week, and a prosperous year!

With everything else that you have on your schedule, I can already hear many of you groaning about having one more thing to do! But I promise you, if you take time to do this, not only will you complete this year on a high, but you also will ensure that you have a more successful, prosperous, and happier New Year.

Next week I will be giving tips on how to manifest for the New Year, so stay tuned.

If setting your goals and objectives for the New Year feels too overwhelming, then give me a call and schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation to find out how I can help you get organized and on track for a prosperous New Year.  Call Joy at 415-819-8769 or email me today!

The Holidays are here! It’s the most wonderful time of the year… well, not for everyone.

While images of love and joy fill storefronts, TV screens and magazine pages, for many people the reality of the holidays isn’t so cheerful. Between stressful end-of-year deadlines, family dysfunction and loss, poor eating and drinking habits, and increasingly cold and dark winter days, it’s easy to feel blue during the holiday season and not-so-merry and bright!

The happiness and close family connections of others during the Holidays can serve as a painful reminder of the happiness and love that may be lacking in some of our own lives. The month of December can be a particularly difficult time of year for those dealing with family conflict, loss, break-ups, divorce, loneliness and mental health issues.

Sadly, feelings of depression and negative mood affect too many people during the Holidays, and not just those who have been diagnosed with clinical depression. Some experts say that the holiday blues are a very real phenomenon. Over the years I have had many clients who have expressed their feelings of loneliness, sadness, and emptiness during this time of year.

For those of you who feel sad during this time of year, here are some of the risk factors of holiday depression, and how you can avoid them.

Setting up unrealistic expectations.

Hoping for a picture-perfect White Christmas holiday is setting yourself up – not only for disappointment, but potentially for depression as well.

All too often people anticipate or fantasize about the holiday that you would see on TV. Often it’s never exactly as people anticipate and, sadly, it’s often disappointing. This can be especially true when there’s strife within families. It can blow out of proportion during the holidays.

It’s important to manage expectations during the holidays and not hope for things to be perfect. If holidays tend to be a time of conflict in your family, or you’ve recently experienced the loss of a loved one, putting pressure on your family to all get along or expecting yourself to be cheerful could lead to disappointment and additional anxiety.

Being mindful of what you do have to be thankful for — friends and family you care about, and who care about you, getting time off of work, or just the promise of a fresh start with the beginning of the new year — can help combat feelings of deficiency and lack.

During the holidays take stock of what you can be grateful for. Gratitude is the best antidote for the blues. And, fortunately, the Holidays don’t last forever. Soon it will be January and we can all start fresh in the New Year.

Trying to do too much.

At the holidays, the pressure of trying to do everything — planning the perfect holiday decorations, dinner or party; or making it home to be with family; or saying yes to every event; or meeting those year-end deadlines that could be a killer at any time of the year — can be enough to send into overwhelm the calmest and most organized individual. And if you’re already prone to anxiety and depression, stress, not to mention lack of sleep, all of this can wreak havoc on your mood.

A heightened pressure and fear of not getting everything done is one of the most common triggers for the holiday blues.

Perfectionism, especially during the Holidays, puts unbearable stress on well-meaning hostesses, friends, families, and partners. Unfortunately, many people feel they just can’t do the right thing. Instead of enjoying the festivities they worry that their family members or guests are always disappointed in them for things not being just so!

Ease up during the Holiday Season and realize that your friends, family, partners and guests truly want to see you relaxed and enjoying yourself. That is much more important to them that the ‘perfect’ table setting and gourmet meal.

The Holidays can be a difficult time for some people. If this is true for you, then please contact Joy today for a complimentary 30-minute consultation. Email Joy or call 415-819-8769