Our lives today are over-scheduled and are filled with what sometimes feels like an overwhelming amount of responsibility and obstacles. Even our children’s lives are over-scheduled with playdates and after school activities. Yet on top of all that we are doing, rather than congratulating ourselves for the hurdles we overcome, we tend to criticize ourselves for all the small details we haven’t completed.
Hay goes on to ask: when we scold ourselves, or berate ourselves, or beat ourselves up, who do we think we are treating this way?
According to Hay almost all of our programming, both negative and positive, was established by the time we were three years old. Our experiences since then are based upon what we accepted and believed about ourselves and about life at that time. The way we were treated when we were very little is usually the way we treat ourselves now. The person you are scolding is the three-year-old child within.
If you are a person who gets angry at yourself for being afraid and fearful, Hay advises to think of yourself as that three year old. If you had a frightened, insecure three-year old in front of you, what would you do? Would you be angry at him or her, or would you reach out and comfort the child until s/he felt safe? When you were a child the adults around you may not have known how to comfort you. Instead they may have ignored you. Or told you to stop crying, “or they would give you something to cry about!” (That’s one I used to get when I was a child.) Or they might have given you a cookie to comfort you, thus setting you up for a lifetime of weight challenges.
Now, you are the adult in your life; if you aren’t comforting the inner child, then who is? Or what kind of substance (sugar, food, drugs, cigarettes, etc.) are you using to comfort yourself?
What was done in the past is done and over with. This is NOW! We have the opportunity to treat ourselves the way we want to be treated. A frightened child needs comforting, not scolding. Scolding ourselves only intensifies our frightened feelings when we have nowhere to turn. When the child within feels unsafe, it creates a lot of trouble for the adult! Remember how it felt to be belittled when you were young? It feels that same way now to your inner child.
Be kind to yourself. Begin to love, accept and approve of yourself. This is what the inner child needs in order to feel safe, express itself, and to live to her/his highest potential.
If you find that you are very critical of yourself or frequently sabotaging yourself with negative thoughts, then call today for a free consultation to learn how Transformative coaching with hypnotherapy can help you lead a happier more positive life. Email Joy OR CALL 415-819-8769.