Here I am, a ‘mature’ business woman with lots of life experience, who runs her own practice, and is a leader in her community… and it was still very challenging to set that boundary!
How many of you experience similar difficulties when having to confront someone for whatever reason?
As I ‘unpacked’ my feelings, attempting to get at the source of why this had me in such turmoil, I realized that, somehow, I felt wrong for setting the boundary. As if it wasn’t OK to protect my space.
I finally comprehended that I had been living by an old story about how I should show up in the world. It went something like this: “Be nice, accommodating and understanding of everyone else. It’s your job. It’s OK if others take advantage of you because of your niceness. They will like you for being so nice and accommodating. You must be liked. The world won’t be safe if you aren’t liked.”
Wow! Where did this come from? I had been giving everyone license to walk all over me. Where was my backbone? What happened to my power?
as a child that being super “nice” was expected. It became the ‘role’ I took on and played all my life. When I set that boundary, I confronted the role of “be nice and accommodating.” I said, “NO! I deserve to be respected.”
Even though I did the right thing, I still went through quite a bit of inner disturbance. This showed me how challenging it can be to change an old story about how one should show up in the world. Even if I was ready to change that old story, it still created a lot of inner conflict!
Changing these old stories can be challenging, especially when it generates fear or panic like it did for me. Some of these old stories might go like, “I’m not good enough so I’d better not take on anything too big.” Or, “It’s not safe to be seen so I better play it low-key.” Or, “I have to work really hard to make it. There’s no time for play or having fun.” Or, “Why bother to try? Somebody else will do it better.”
These old stories go on and on, simmering just under the radar in our subconscious, keeping us from living to our potential. When we try to stretch ourselves, our fear of actually doing something outside of the norm yanks us back into staying ‘safe’… but small. Is it safe to play it safe?
So, what happened with that colleague with whom I set the boundary? She realized that she had overstepped her bounds and was apologetic. She made appropriate amends. The result is that our friendship and collegial relationship is stronger than ever, and I feel more empowered because I took a stand and claimed my right to be respected.
Because the old stories which govern how we should live our lives can be so confining, I have dedicated a whole day of my upcoming workshop “Sacred Sexuality, the Shadow, and Loving Relationships” to helping you uncover and work through those old stories. This is a perfect time for you to awaken to your capabilities and find the courage to step into your big self!
This workshop is part of my program, Persephone’s Journey, a Wisdom School for Awakening Women. I hope you will join us and discover how you can live more fully and joyfully the life you have the potential to live.