Are You Enough?

 I am amazed at how often the core belief of “not enough” keeps cropping up for my clients. Not good enough. There isn’t enough. Don’t have enough – of time, money, fame, opportunities, good looks, smarts, etc. This nagging belief, that lies just below the level of consciousness, is what keeps my clients from getting what they want, and keeping it when they have it. Why? Because when you believe there isn’t enough, that’s what you will find everywhere you go and with whatever you do. The “Not Enough” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This belief of “not enough” manifests differently in different people.  I’ve been doing a lot of work on this area myself. I have, thankfully, made a lot of progress. What I’ve learned might provide you with some insight on your struggles with ‘not enough.’

For me, in the past, I was so afraid that I wouldn’t measure up that I oftentimes made myself invisible.  If no one saw me, then I wouldn’t have to measure up. Right? So I worked hard to escape notice.  Yet escaping notice had its own problems.  I missed out on the benefits of being seen such as getting positive attention, being asked to fun social events, or attending functions that could benefit my business, or receiving acknowledgement for my good work.

In addition, when I stayed invisible no one benefited from my ideas, or my opinions.  Or worse, I was perceived as not having ideas or opinions.  I have plenty of ideas.  It’s just that I process primarily using my feelings and intuition, which is a slower process and can’t always be substantiated.  When I offered opinions based on feelings with someone who tended to base decisions on logic and reason, my ideas weren’t always acknowledged.  This led to self-doubt, uncertainty, and the mis-belief that I was safer staying invisible.

In reality feelings, intuition, logic and reason are all valuable tools for decision making.  Listening to and weighing a few rational and logical thoughts against my emotional reactions and intuition actually provides a broader well-rounded and thoughtful assessment of a situation. By staying silent I failed to contribute my valuable information and insight.

Another way that, in the past, I manifested not being enough was that I overcompensated by working twice as hard.  I spent much more time and effort doing tasks and projects than necessary because I wanted them to be perfect so I could prove “I was enough.”  A simple 30 minute talk had me obsessed and stressed for days prior.  I became so obsessed that other priorities such as depositing checks, or balancing my check book, or making follow-up calls often fell through the cracks.  I always got great feedback on the talks, but when I made that mad dash to the bank to cover checks I wrote, or when I finally made that prospect call only to discover they found someone else, then those few moments of success paled next to those very real disappointments.

We human find various creative, often ill-conceived, ways to deal with our feelings of “not enough.”  Frequently these coping mechanisms create more problems and stress so that we end up only exacerbating our feelings of inadequacies.

I wonder what it would be like to just acknowledge that “I am enough just the way I am.”  To accept that we may not be perfect, but ‘we are enough’ and that this is ‘perfectly OK!’

Life is a journey during which we learn different lessons, skills, and acquire knowledge and tons of experience. This process will continue until the day we die. We are all sailing the same sea. Our boats are just traveling in different directions and at different speeds.  Stop worrying about “not enough.” Embrace yourself, take a deep breath, and as you exhale say “I am enough!” Because YOU ARE ENOUGH!

If you feel have feelings of not being good enough then contact Joy at joy@joyreichard.com or at 415-819-8769 for a free 30-minute consultation. You can have the joyful and satisfying life you want and deserve!