Two weeks ago I wrote about shame and the many ways that adults live with deep rooted feelings of shame. I pointed out that the shame often comes from the abandonment of the child by a parent. Last week I wrote about how, when shame combines with loneliness and a need to numb the pain, it can fuel a compulsive and/or addictive lifestyle.
In efforts to psychically numb themselves, many often tend to focus on more money, more sex, or food, or booze, or drugs, or the next adrenaline rush, or entertainment, or possessions, or ecstasy so they won’t feel how lonely, hurt, mad, or sad they are. Then they bring all this stuff into their relationships – with co-workers, partners, families and children.
Underneath all this shame and addictive compulsive behavior is a wounded child that is still hurting. Many don’t realize it and are excessively hard on themselves when what is really needed is more compassion, acceptance, and reassurance.
Active Imagination to Heal Trauma
Carl Jung, a famous psychotherapist, used active imagination to help people connect with buried trauma so it could be brought to consciousness and healed. Active imagination consists of imaginary dialogs between you, the conscious part of you, and the wounded unconscious part of you that needs healing. It’s extremely helpful in releasing old trauma.
Active Imagination Process
It’s best to journal the active imagination process because you will want to review your comments later. In addition, the act of writing will help you stay focused and not drift off during the process.
The best time to work with this process is when you have been triggered by a person or a recent event. Begin by focusing on the emotion that is being re-triggered. (If you are practicing active imagination, then think of a situation in the past that has a lot of charge to it.)
Take a few deep breaths to help you relax. Then shift your focus to the person or situation that triggered you. Once you can recall the situation, focus on what you are feeling. Once you are experiencing the feeling, then you can let go of the story and just focus on the feeling. You may notice an achiness, constriction, or tightness somewhere in your body. Just notice it. Once you have “anchored” into the feeling, then remember a time in the past, possibly in your childhood, when you had a similar feeling.
By feeling the feeling, and linking it to a past memory, you will be connecting to your younger self. Notice how old your younger self is. Then begin to ascertain what was going on for your younger self that was generating that same feeling.
This is when you begin to dialog with your younger self. Say “Hello,” and begin to ask questions as to what is going on for her that is causing feelings of distress, anger, shame, sadness, fear, etc. You might ask questions like:
- What’s happened?
- Why are you feeling so_________________?
- What do you need right now?
- Can I help you?
Notice – Be observant and notice what you can about your younger self: her dress, the condition of her physical body, her appearance, the environment, her mood. These will all be clues as to the emotional, psychological, and physical state of your younger self.
Attune – Attune to your younger self. Let her share her story. Let her have her feelings. Be sure to validate them.
Understanding – Understand how and why she feels the way she does. It doesn’t matter if it seems trite or irrational – these are her feelings. She has a right to them. Try to understand the reasons for her feelings.
Connect to the present – Remember what you can about the present situation that caused you to be triggered. What in present time caused a re-triggering of past emotions?
Connect to past – What happened in the past that caused negative memories, feelings, or thoughts?
React – React to the past event with sympathy and understanding. Validate the feelings of your younger self.
Reframe – Offer a new perspective of the past event.
- Does she need to be rescued? – Send in the SWAT Team
- Does she need to confront someone so she can speak her truth? Then help her do so. This will help her reclaim her voice and her power.
- Does she need comforting? Then comfort her. Or bring in someone like Mother Mary who can.
- Does she need reassurance that everything will turn out OK? Then give her reassurance.
Concern – Show her you care and treat her with gentleness and compassion. Let her know that she is not alone anymore; explain that you are now aware of her and will come to her when she needs comforting or protection.
Close – When it’s time to bring the interactive imagination session to a close, give your younger self a big hug and let her know that you will be there for her from now on. Then bring yourself back to full consciousness.
Journal – Write down all that you remember of the experience if you were not actually writing down the dialog as it happened. Make notes of any insights or ‘Ah Ha’s’ you had. (From experience, if you don’t write it down you may lose some of the important nuggets that come up for you during the active imagination session.)
You will find active imagination sessions with your younger self to be very revealing, full of insight, and extremely healing. Enjoy the process and re-acquaint yourself with the younger YOU who is always precious and deserves your love and compassion.
If you are afflicted with feelings of shame or have an exaggerated inclination to feel guilty that is interfering with your personal life, performance, or relationships, then contact Joy for a complimentary 30-minute consultation to learn how you can let go of shame and step into your full potential. Email Joy or call 415-819-8769.